


they say love is colder than death

by youngchopsticks



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F, immortal au, its angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:56:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngchopsticks/pseuds/youngchopsticks
Summary: “Haven’t we met before?” Ava asked, her smile masking the mischievous tone of her question.“Can’t say.” Sara replied hesitantly.orau in which sara does a bit more than breaking time, she broke herself too.





	they say love is colder than death

**Author's Note:**

> sorry my mind got out of hand
> 
> warning: there is mentions of violence and blood in here but not more than what they show on legends so if that isnt something youre comfortable with, please dont read further

“Hey.”

“Yea?”

They’re in a car under the feverish, yellow lights of an abandoned petrol station on the side of some highway.

“How many times have I died?” Ava asked.

Sara stayed silent.

\--

The taste of fire lingers on her lips, like inhaling smoke straight from a match. The charred remnants of the waverider occupies spaces in her eyes until all she could see is destruction.

Guilt overwhelms her mind.

The last thing she heard were the voices of her teammates. 

_It haunts her._

\--

She found a river.

She’d walked for what seemed like forever, the soles of her feet bled. She’d convinced her heart to continue beating, slyly coaxed it to at least resemble a make-believe rhythm. The first sip of the water brought a sting of relief. Her body has forgotten how to function that with the fifth sip, she vomited it back out in the sand, shaking. 

She fell asleep near the river, one hand feeling the current. Feeling alive.

When she woke up, her feet no longer hurt. 

When she woke up, she’s no longer on the side of the river but rather in a hut with a man who had a loose rope around her body.

She remembers killing him.

She killed him with the knife he left beside her presumably when he cut her sides multiple times. Her wounds healed. She now knows it’s because she can’t die. But after he died, she wiped the blade clean on his clothes and took the knife with her.

She threw up blood after only walking for a while. Her chest hurts.

\--

“Haven’t we met before?” Ava asked, her smile masking the mischievous tone of her question.

Sara only heard sincerity as she plays with the inside of Ava’s wrist, tracing the blue veins that were visible there. She brought the hand to her mouth and kissed it softly. She remembers Ava’s pulse, the unwavering thud on her skin. She remembers a number of memories of a lot of different times.

“Can’t say.” Sara replied hesitantly.

\--

When Ava first asked how old she was, Sara was only about seven hundred. It would hurt her to stain her pure innocence. She could never reveal it to this woman. Not when she had already seen the devil chasing after her through the unfathomable phantom of time. She curled her fingers in Ava’s messy blonde hair and tried not to think about anything other than the present.

The odd shapes of sunlight dawning through the strawy roof of their cottage had never killed someone. Therefore the same concept must apply to her. But why does her heart feel like it could have been crushed to thin dust and thrown away from a cliff as she opened her eyes. 

Their house is cramped with the old wooden chairs and an uncomfortable lumpy bed. The wood was crumbling and the atmosphere was damp no matter the effort they go through to clean it. And it always smelled like the sea.

She didn’t mind though.

The plague caught up to them in the end anyway. Sara only remembers this because this was the first time she held Ava’s body on the clasps of her hands as her breath increased sporadically that mimicked the bellows of a deep sea cave. Sara cried until her whole body ached, until she could feel the physical pain of her body wanting to give out.

She used a broken wood from their house as a grave marker. Sara never returned there.

\--

“This is quite foolish, m’lady.” Sara muttered while Ava kissed her reverently on the side of the castle walls.

Even so, Sara continued to let herself be kissed by Ava. And Sara thinks that she had broken everything she’d ever let herself touch. Because this girl, the girl that’s pushing her up against the wall of her dad’s castle, the one she was assigned to protect, is not the same person she came to encounter with at the time bureau centuries ago. She is irrevocably changed. But not physically, not in the way that Sara couldn’t recognize the person she’d run her hands against. It’s more like the inevitability and consciousness of the flow of time, and the time spent with Sara flowed through her mind and changed the workings of her thoughts.

“I’m the King’s daughter, he could hardly be mad at me.” Ava replied after some time.

Sara laughs breathlessly, and took the opportunity to flip them around. Ava hiccuped with a small surprised tone as she hit the wall. Sara feels her entire body arch against her, filled with desire. Ava’s mouth is warm in contrast to the air in the early hours of the morning. She bit Sara’s bottom lip and she groaned, her body feeling like it’s no longer in coherency with her mind.

Hiding in a secluded part of the castle, hidden only behind the cobblestone wall. It made Sara bleed with even more impulse.

“I don’t know about that princess.” Sara murmured in Ava’s ear. “Princess Sharpe, with a woman? With your royal bodyguard nonetheless?” She said doing her best impression of King Sharpe. 

Ava didn’t register what she said, or maybe she didn’t want to. Because Sara has a hand up the layers of Ava’s nightgown, pushing them aside so she can caress the inside of Ava’s thigh.

“Oh.” Ava gasped as she leaned her head on the side of Sara’s face.

Sara slowly moved her hand further up, her heart beating fast out of her chest. “You let her corrupt you like this?” she resumed. 

She shuddered.

“Yes.” Ava mumbled, quietly.

“Fuck,” Sara breathed, as she found the wet heat of Ava with her fingers.

Ava made a choked sound in the back of her throat. “That’s inappropriate.”

“We’re fucking on the side of your father’s castle princess, what’s inappropriate?” Sara retorted.

Ava laughed at that.

It’s Sara’s favorite sound.

\--

Being stuck in colonial Massachusetts in the sixteen hundreds again is one of the worst experiences. She recalls being called a witch but the hatred that the mindless townspeople shouts over her head hardly phases her now.

Because now it’s different. There was no Ray, Mick and Nate to save her, and the villagers actually carry through with their burning. And being burned alive still hurts even when she can’t die. Her eyes sting and her lungs cough up char for days.

She doesn’t meet Ava in that time period. Maybe she didn’t have the time. Maybe it was because she was too busy hiding from the witch hunts. It didn’t matter. 

She sneaks on the hull of a ship aiming for Europe, her burn marks heal over time.

\--

She never cared for mundane things like food, it was just a staple she needed to live - no - to survive. But she remembered that spring when Ava’s lips were so stained with cherries that they were all she tasted.

And Sara never had a favorite food because she couldn’t be bothered to care, but years after, a new Ava sat in front of her, laughing at what she had said.

“Your turn to ask a question,” Sara said.

“Okay, if you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Ava asked gaily.

Suddenly, Sara’s chest hurts. Both with the implication that the rest of her life was forever, and how she remembers Ava’s hands as she grabbed the back of her neck and her other making its way down her chest. She remembers the softness of her lips, and their shallow breaths. 

“Cherries.” Sara answered, “I could live a lifetime with nothing but cherries.” 

\--

“What do you do with all this time?” Ava asked. They’re halfway asleep, her eyes fighting to stay open. 

Sara rested her hand on Ava’s chest, feeling the soft heartbeat beneath her palm. “What do you mean?”

Ava smiled languidly and breathed out, “You know, with not dying.” She reached up and took the hand on her chest and kissed it slowly. Sara feels Ava’s lips are soft.

And Sara could not believe that she is allowed to even breathe the same air around her. Not when she’s drowned in her history that threatened to tarnish everyone she came across. Not when she had seen things, and _done_ things that have left her with a searing emptiness in her chest that’s bleeding all sorts of darkness.

“I live.” Sara sighed, yet those words could not encapture the suffering that she endures each lifetime. “Yet, I feel like I’m not living at all. It’s like I’m waiting for something that doesn’t come. It’s…” she falters.

Her partner listened close, her eyes fully open now, watching Sara with devout attention. 

“It’s lonely.” Sara confessed.

She pulled Sara closer until there’s no space between them left, until her head rested on the place her hand was in just moments ago. 

“I wish we could always be together.” 

Sara shook her head faintly recognizing that Ava doesn’t understand the severity of her comment. “You really don’t.” 

\--

Wars aren’t Sara’s favourite time periods. The pure annihilation that is happening around her doesn’t help with her predicament.

She usually avoids wars. And that’s what she does. Choosing instead to live out a vigilante life so she could remain some sort of connection between now and her past life. 

And Ava is a woman, a woman with a single child she adopted after finding him alone in the streets. They meet at a quaint little bookstore that hadn’t yet been affected by the destructive nature of war.

She remembers because of their child. While she didn’t conceive it, it was the only time they had one. 

The only time.

Because Sara remembered the sound of a gunshot and the blood, it was warm and viscous on her skin. It stained the floor. Ava was paler with every breath that she took.

Yet the child was limp in her hands, the five year old boy that she had come to know with a bullet wound in his chest. 

Sara blames the war.

She stared at him in her arms. Commits his face, his little fingers to the memory in her mind. He resembled so much of Ava.

With the short time they had together, she remembered his name was Oliver. And if his name was any indication that it was the universe fucking with her then she got the hint. 

She’s convinced that they’ll move on. Maybe after weeks, months. She’ll be with her until she recovers.

But.

Sara noticed Ava’s lack of breathing and a wound on the back of her neck. She’s cold on Sara’s hand when she isn’t supposed to be. 

Sara buries them in the same grave, near their house so that when somebody finds them, they'll find a note on her dining table indicating that _they’re_ gone.

\--

She found Amaya in her timeline not long after. 

But not her Amaya, not the one that she left behind in the waverider, not the one who she couldn’t fulfill her promise to. No, not that Amaya.

This Amaya is full of fervour, holding her totem not in the name of justice but in the name of iniquity. 

And Sara wonders how time could be cruel enough to let Amaya choose a path of destruction. Sara watched silently as this Amaya wrecked the city of its people using her totem, utilizing her rage for revenge as an excuse behind her wrongdoings.

Sara knows about her because Ava was the cop in charge of catching Amaya. The hardest part of being with Ava in that time period was knowing that the person she was trying to catch was the same person Sara would follow every night to witness her crimes.

But no matter how much she loved Ava, she couldn’t bear to let Amaya be caught. Sara felt like she owed it to her to be free and to let her choose her own fate as Sara was the one who took that away from her the first time.

She left the city when she watched her friend, or who once was her friend, kill an innocent child in front of her.

That was when Sara learned fate can be cruel, and time is continually in flux.

\--

Sara avoided America for a while, instead choosing to travel to Europe again. She doesn’t know how much time has passed, maybe at least ten or twenty. 

She was in the middle of driving her cheap, rundown car in the middle of a storm when lightning struck in front of her.

Her car flips over as she swerves off the road. She hit her head on her wheel, tasting the blood coming out of her mouth. Her last thought before her neck broke was that she’d die for real this time.

She wakes up though in a house that isn’t hers days later, bloody and hurt and _alive_. She looks around and found Ava, touching her cheek with her fingers, her touch careful and timid.

“I remember you.” Sara chokes out, her throat injured. Ava’s name is heavy on her lips as she smiled softly, “Ava.”

Ava shushes her and puts a wet cloth over Sara’s eyes, “Don’t strain yourself, you’re okay now.”

\--

Sara remembers once, she was shopping in the market streets of Paris. When she looked across the road, she saw Ava, her face hidden by a scarf. Her eyes are the same, Sara still felt it long after Ava slipped past her. 

She wishes she would have said something - a recognition or a thought into the hypnagogic ambience of the market. She spends days in Paris looking for Ava but comes up empty handed.

She ingrains the glimpse of Ava in in her mind, and she patiently waits for next time.

\--

By the time Sara came back to Star City when she left it, she doesn’t recognize it. She searched her old home for her family or some semblance of them but found that her street has been demolished.

She met Ava in a club that she used to sneak in to when she was still underage. They shared an apartment after being together for a year.

It was their anniversary when Ava asked the question, “Would you live forever with me Sara?” She was hovering over Sara in their bed, and her hand was tangled with hers beside them.

Sara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She let tears blur her vision as everything around her seemed to move. She’s had too much wine. It’s their anniversary, Ava’s first anniversary with her while Sara has had countless ones, yet each one special. 

Ava kissed Sara on her cheek, close to her lips, giggling softly. “Answer it.” 

Their bedside table lamp makes Ava’s skin glow. Sara moved her hand up to Ava’s cheeks and tucks her hair behind her ear. She leaned into Sara’s touch and Sara moved her touch to caress her lips. Ava snuck her tongue out and licked Sara’s finger, the feeling made Sara shiver.

“Yes,” Sara answers, “I’d live a thousand forevers with you.” 

Sara fell asleep next to Ava, feeling her grip tighten around her waist. 

That night she dreamt of things lost and burdened. 

\--

When she wakes- 

The taste of fire lingers on her lips, like inhaling smoke straight from a match. The charred remnants of the waverider occupies spaces in her eyes until all she could see is destruction.

And this time, Sara cries.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :)


End file.
